Freezing Love…Or Something Like That

JacobDexAt first I thought, “Hmmm. A person has to be legally dead to be cryogenically frozen. Well that sucks.”

As I continued reading though there is totally a difference between legally dead and totally dead. Legally dead means there is still brain function. Totally dead means none. Ok so we’ve got that down.

There’s like companies that will actually come pick up your body and start giving your brain just enough oxygen to keep minimal function going, anti-coagulants to keep your blood from clotting while being transferred to the “facility” where the actual freezing begins. Whoa. Mind blown.

I thought they could just put your body in a vat of liquid nitrogen and be done with it. Sure they can, but who would’ve known your cells and stuff would instantly shatter and die. That’s no bueno.  As a nurse I should have known that wouldn’t work. Besides I’m not actually thinking of freezing my own body. I want to freeze my son’s.

5 reasons why I want to cryogenically freeze my son:

1. He’s almost seventeen. At seventeen he will legally be an adult and let’s face it. Boys can be stupid. That means he might get into trouble. I mean, not my little angel, but you never know. So let’s just be safe and keep that record clean.

2. He’s funny as hell. Yes. He inherited that from me. I still struggle daily to not be jaded about humanity, I suffer. Being funny is a burden and you are either born with a sense of humor or not. He was. So let’s keep the laughs coming because face it. Everyday it gets harder and harder to not hate people.

3. He’s going to find that special someone. Eeew. No. Not my little boy. No way am I about to let some cold hearted woman trample all over my angels feelings. Nuh uh. Besides I’m legally an adult and the things that I’ve fantasized about doing to the first woman who breaks my boys heart? No bond will be set. With that said, let’s not have to set up a savings account to put money on my books when I go to jail.

4. He’s smart! It’s a known fact that as we age we lose brain cells. Sure we learn more as we age but see number 2 and 3. As he ages he will no doubt lose some of his sense of humor and some “pretty lady” is going to break his heart and we all know that we learn from mistakes. Let’s cut out those mistakes. I’ve managed to make it through the ones he’s made so far.

5. I am his mother. I let him feed off of me for 2 weeks past the time his lease was up in my womb. Therefore I can do whatever, whenever I please, to him. Don’t make a momma remind you who the momma is and what the momma can do.

Realistically though? It’s not going to happen. I’ll be old and dead by the time the scientists have predicted the first cryogenically frozen human will be successfully revived. (They haven’t quite figured out that part yet.) I wouldn’t get to enjoy him. I’d have to cryogenically freeze him again anyway because, duh! Numbers 1-5 above!

With that being said, I suppose I’ll let him grow up. Damn it. I don’t want to, but at least until science gets it shit together that’s the only choice.

I don’t have the $200,000 it would take anyway.

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